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Tire Waster
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Went to bed last night with some bad stomach pains after eating leftover BBQ. Woke up and took two shits. Decided to ride the motorcycle to work anyway. Got to work, the second I walked in everyone wanted something. That's fine, have to piss be right back. Just started taking a leak and had to fart. Uh oh! Something is coming out. I held it back and dodged around to the corner stall to let it fly. Ah! I made it. It was like a warm summer rain shooting out of my ass and back splashing onto my buttcheeks. Whatever. All done. Went to wipe and.... NO FUCKING TOILET PAPER! Looked for a newspaper, a magazine, nothing. Dammit. Ok... clear your head. I decided to pull my pants up halfway and jump into the next stall. As soon as I stood up I dumped in my underware. Now I have made it to the next stall and I am furiously unrolling the paper trying to soak up the mess in my drawers. I dip into the toilet water and sponge away. They're wrecked - there is no saving these skivvies. Might as well burn them. I'd be willing to wear a maxi-pad at this point. Anything to make my ass stop dripping. I ended up wearing them all day so as not to ruin my pants. Probably not a wise decision as a SMOKING HOT blond vender paid me a visit and started talking about cars and how she "loves to go fast". I told her I am a drag racer and her eyes got big and she said "Oh I bet not just anyone can do that" and moved closer. But you see, I SMELL LIKE SHIT so I had to keep moving away from her - downwind. She told me how much she likes to drive a stickshift and I told, "Oh hunnie, I've got one of those too!" She moved closer... I moved back. Life is so cruel sometimes.

I just had to get this off my chest.
 

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That's pretty bad man... Maybe she like the shit smell and that's why she kept getting closer
 

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The Warbird
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Thats fucked up!! Funny as Hell, but still fucked up!
 

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I just had tears coming out of my eyes.......Classic!

Hope your day got better, poopypants!
 

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KEVIN CAPS LOCK
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REMINDS ME OF THE GUY ON HERE .....THAT SHIT HIS PANTS IN THE STAGING LANES.....AND TO PUT IT IN HIS WORDS....."I ZIPPED UP MY SUIT.....AND MANNED UP TO STAY IN THE POINTS":p
 

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REMINDS ME OF THE GUY ON HERE .....THAT SHIT HIS PANTS IN THE STAGING LANES.....AND TO PUT IT IN HIS WORDS....."I ZIPPED UP MY SUIT.....AND MANNED UP TO STAY IN THE POINTS":p
Lmao that was a good thread I remember that post ...funny shit... umm no pun intended:p
 
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