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Man, this thread is going to make yellow bullet great again 😂

I haven’t been on too terribly many dates in my life but the last one was my worst.

I got catfished like a mother fucker…she kept hinting that she was worried she was going to catfish me and boy oh boy did she!!! How in the fuck she was able to make herself look like a solid 8 when she is a 4 at best, I don’t know. Had we met up somewhere together, I would’ve ditched her and I am not that type at all. She finally shows up to my house late and she gets out of the car and I think myself, FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!
She wanted to go to this new place in downtown where you can smash breakable items with a sledgehammer, bat, etc . That was my first red flag but I was already committed earlier that afternoon before I even saw her. Afterwards, she wanted to see the tunnel that you can drive through with all these different colored lights. So we drive through there and a bunch of homeless drug addicts are sitting under the tunnel sharing needles… I was starving at this point and wanted to eat something but we had to get back because she had to get home to relieve her mom of babysitting. She was so boring and weird and recently divorced, which I can see why…. She thanked me, left and neither one of us has spoken to each other since.
 

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the stories here are making me not want to date lol I have not dated since I was in my 20's so almost 30yrs, my how time flies.
 

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This is probably the best thread on here in a long time! Hopefully it keeps growing. I fortunately dont have any bad date stories as Ive been with my wife since high school and before her I didnt really date, had girlfriends but didnt really take them out, it was more hey your my friends sister sooooooooo...... lol. Or the other girl pursued me. We were friends, she asked me to prom (she was a Junior and I was a Sophmore so I couldnt even go to Prom unless asked). Thats about it, boring dating life. However......

I told my friend about this thread (hes not on here) and he proceeds to tell me his so Ill share, its good!
So he is a couple years divorced, has been on dating apps for a year or so and says basically its just full of drunk sluts who are nasty. He gets setup with this 50 yr old cougar (hes 36) and goes out to this bowling league shes a part of to hang out. May seem old but Ive seen pics, she looks like shes 35-40 is tiny maybe 120lbs soaking wet and has big natural boobs that he claims are the best hes ever seen in person. Anyway, Afterwards they all head out to get a couple drinks and talk a bit more, she tells him she wants nothing to do with marriage but shes just looking for friends in life, etc etc. basically giving the whole "Im not a slut" speech, even though we all know thats just a redflag for "Im a slut". They take the conversation back to her house and she tells him how he isnt getting laid but they can cuddle and watch a movie. Half way through the movie she starts stroking him then apparently just up and stops the second he gets hard and says "sorry we cant be doing that, Im not that type of girl". So naturally hes pissed, says he has to work early in the morning and takes off.

she texts him about 15 minutes later apologizing and says she wants to talk for a week before doing anything. So he agrees and she says lets plan a fun night for next Friday together. Fast forward to next Friday she cooks him dinner at her house they talk a little bit more. Before dinner is over she grabs him and pushes him back to the bedroom throws a condom at him and says shes tired of waiting its been over a year since shes been with someone. This is where it gets weird!

She starts slobbing the knobin what he describes as the best BJ hes ever got, then randomly sucks his ball into her mouth super hard which he said was excruciating because she sucked the soul out of his testicle. She lets go and be calms that down so they can get to banging. Apparently she has 2 dogs sitting there watching them he notices right at the end of the bed, he asksif shes going to let them out of the room. She is heavily against this and refuses to lock her dogs out because "its their house!". So he goes with it as to not get blue balls again. He gets on her and starts plowing away and this one dog jumps up on the bed, hes trying to not be obvious and kick it off the bed, but the dog proceeds to start sniffing his asshole, then takes a couple licks. He stops banging her and says her dog is on the bed, she tells the dog to get down, the start going again. Dog jumps up again, hes doing her doggy style (no pun intended) dog comes behind him, he swats the dogs head away best he can and the dog full on bites his ass hard. His ass cheek was bleeding and he had to bandage it up in her bathroom, put his clothes on and left. He has ghosted her since lol.
He claims she is a nutcase about her dogs, like full on acts like they are her kids and human, and they run the house. Oh and PS, he had to go to doctor because his ball was still sore from her sucking a week later and he got worried.
 

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the stories here are making me not want to date lol I have not dated since I was in my 20's so almost 30yrs, my how time flies.
Has worked for me.

Take an "escort" out for dinner, get a BJ afterwards and spend the night at her place. Wasn't expecting anything for just dinner at Olive Garden.

She's headed to Disneyland this weekend for a client from the UK. He'll buy her the latest Apple tech and such, go out to a nice dinner, never get any details after that.
 

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Has worked for me.

Take an "escort" out for dinner, get a BJ afterwards and spend the night at her place. Wasn't expecting anything for just dinner at Olive Garden.

She's headed to Disneyland this weekend for a client from the UK. He'll buy her the latest Apple tech and such, go out to a nice dinner, never get any details after that.
You know, you have to be pretty desperate to not only fly all the way over here with covid protocols but cost of flight, disney, hotels, apple, etc. and all for getting a piece? Idc who it is, I would never do that amount of work/money to sleep with anyone. There are plenty of good looking girls all over the world, you cant tell me there isnt someone over there in Europe that is better and way less maintenance. Lol
 

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Has worked for me.

Take an "escort" out for dinner, get a BJ afterwards and spend the night at her place. Wasn't expecting anything for just dinner at Olive Garden.

She's headed to Disneyland this weekend for a client from the UK. He'll buy her the latest Apple tech and such, go out to a nice dinner, never get any details after that.
Wait....... is it Kamala?
 

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Has worked for me.

Take an "escort" out for dinner, get a BJ afterwards and spend the night at her place. Wasn't expecting anything for just dinner at Olive Garden.

She's headed to Disneyland this weekend for a client from the UK. He'll buy her the latest Apple tech and such, go out to a nice dinner, never get any details after that.
I know a woman (just a friend) and chat now and then that is an escort. Been friends for years. Met her on a business trip to Cleveland maybe 22 years ago. Talked had dinner and a few drinks at the bar but that was it. Still remain friends today. The dough she makes is incredible and in most cases doesn't even have to fuck the dude. She travels all over and these old scumbag perverts that are extremely wealthy will fly her to a given location just so she can strip/dance for the dudes while they stroke their cocks, or torture their cocks and torture their balls. The stories she has told me are the most fucked up. Old guys (talking late 70's or early 80's) actually pay her to get nude and slap and squeeze their cocks and balls until they can't take it any longer. WTF
 

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Discussion Starter · #92 ·
I know a woman (just a friend) and chat now and then that is an escort. Been friends for years. Met her on a business trip to Cleveland maybe 22 years ago. Talked had dinner and a few drinks at the bar but that was it. Still remain friends today. The dough she makes is incredible and in most cases doesn't even have to fuck the dude. She travels all over and these old scumbag perverts that are extremely wealthy will fly her to a given location just so she can strip/dance for the dudes while they stroke their cocks, or torture their cocks and torture their balls. The stories she has told me are the most fucked up. Old guys (talking late 70's or early 80's) actually pay her to get nude and slap and squeeze their cocks and balls until they can't take it any longer. WTF

Well that's enough of that...go ahead and turn the internet off...
 

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I cant find it but there was one on here a few years back, he met the chick online and he was taking her out for steaks on the first date. In the car ride to the joint she started giving him all the signs, tired, have to be up early next morning, basically, you'll feed me and then I am going home. So he started taking back roads and ended up right back in his driveway, told her she better get home to get the rest she needs LMAO.
 

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Ok, so the second "date" that I went on, as referred to in my first post, was with what I will nicely call a "track whore". I managed a drag strip at the time, and it wasn't a large one, but it was fairly busy most of the time. So I'm riding around the track on a somewhat busy Saturday on the golf cart, wearing a gigantic pimp hat, because I thought it was hilarious. So I ride past a trailer, and there is a shorter blond, laying on it in short jean shorts, and a bikini top, tanning. So after I just about hit a trash can, I spun around to go talk to her. Turns out I knew her brother. So we talk for a few, and I figure out she lives like 3.5 hours away from me. So hard pass, because I can get laid closer to home.

A few days goes by, and she shoots me a message on FB. She proceeds to tell me that she was coming back towards me for a mutual friends birthday, and asks if I would like to go have dinner beforehand. So I got asked on a date. Pretty forward, but ok. The day of the birthday, which was happening at a bar and started at like 10pm, she calls me at noon, and says she was in town early, and wondered if I wanted to just spend the day with her. Whatever, I'm down, so I jump in the shower and head towards her hotel. We went driving around for a few hours to talk beforehand. This is where things went awry.

She starts by telling me what her expectations were of her "life mate". Doesn't believe in marriage, but wants monogamy, kids, million dollar home, etc., because that is what she is "worth". Now at the time, I had a low optioned TBSS, and that's somewhat important to this part of the story. It was a 2wd, cloth truck. Anyways, she starts ripping into the truck, and telling me that I need to get something better, because her skin is too well moisturized for cloth. Now I'm about to show this girl what she is "worth". We go and get dinner at a small steakhouse, and have a few drinks while we are there, and she seemed pretty buzzed, but we were still 3 hours away from the party. I asked what she wanted to do now, because I had full intention of rearranging her insides, then leaving. She just suggests going back to her hotel, and drinking some more there. We didn't even make it to drinks. Now this was like, 10-12 years ago, and to this day, I still have yet to match the level of nasty sex we had that night. And I mean just downright degrading! After 3 rounds of this, and missing the party, I said I was gonna go get some water for both of us. I then walked back to my truck, and left... went home and blocked her on everything, and never spoke to her again...
that's the worst date you've been on??? LOL
 

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As entertaining as this thread is- makes me appreciate the semi level headed woman who agreed to marry me ;)
Ha..I was thinking the same thing except that she made me marry her..I think I got the last laugh though.. ;)
 
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