I've got a 1/4 mile long driveway and some douche canoe drives down about 100ft and drops off a skanky king size used mattress (probably has Ebola stains). Anyhow, my trash service doesn't pick up nasty mattresses so I do what any hillbilly would do......load it on the truck, take it back to the house and burn it.
WELP.....three seconds post ignition I realized whoever makes mattresses uses petroleum and old tires. MOTHER PHUCKER that fire was huge and the smoke was pitch black and HOT (I had to move my vehicles).
With the vehicles safe I just stood by and let it burn down, still amazed at the magnitude of the fire I had going. Well, a 'neighbor' pulls down the driveway shaking as she thought the cabin was on fire (we live in a log home). I assured her everything was fine and was appreciative of her concern but all was well. She says "Well I need to call Norm and tell him the firetrucks aren't needed".
Right then my wife says she's going to go thank them and give them a plate full of cookies (dunno what good that does but ya gotta choose your battles). She heads off and I continue tending the Hiroshima type fire.
Well, somewhere lost in translation was the fact that I didn't need two firetrucks, an ambulance and four other red trucks that I have no idea what they were for plus a lot of firefighters (in full uniform).
When all was said and done, the mattress was gone, the firefighters had us fill out some paperwork but no fine.....and the neighbors got a plate of cookies out of the deal.
The bottom line is I had no phucking idea a wet mattress o' skank would burn like a stack of tires.....and it wasn't my goddamn problem until some wank put it in my driveway.
Rant over.
WELP.....three seconds post ignition I realized whoever makes mattresses uses petroleum and old tires. MOTHER PHUCKER that fire was huge and the smoke was pitch black and HOT (I had to move my vehicles).
With the vehicles safe I just stood by and let it burn down, still amazed at the magnitude of the fire I had going. Well, a 'neighbor' pulls down the driveway shaking as she thought the cabin was on fire (we live in a log home). I assured her everything was fine and was appreciative of her concern but all was well. She says "Well I need to call Norm and tell him the firetrucks aren't needed".
Right then my wife says she's going to go thank them and give them a plate full of cookies (dunno what good that does but ya gotta choose your battles). She heads off and I continue tending the Hiroshima type fire.
Well, somewhere lost in translation was the fact that I didn't need two firetrucks, an ambulance and four other red trucks that I have no idea what they were for plus a lot of firefighters (in full uniform).
When all was said and done, the mattress was gone, the firefighters had us fill out some paperwork but no fine.....and the neighbors got a plate of cookies out of the deal.
The bottom line is I had no phucking idea a wet mattress o' skank would burn like a stack of tires.....and it wasn't my goddamn problem until some wank put it in my driveway.
Rant over.
