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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
the truth behind guys:

1. We don't care if our shoes don't match our belt. So don't bother telling us

2. If you wear too much Tiffany's jewelry, we
automatically think you're either
A) A sorority slut
B) A gold digging ho
or
C) All of the above

3. The things we tell you when we are drunk do not hold truth in reality... even if they do cause you to sleep with us

4. If the only time we call you is after 2:00 am, we are not that interested in your amazing personality

5. Don't EVER EVER EVER talk down on a man's dog

6. We think your friends are hot... and we think some of them are hotter than you. (Ouch!)

7. A way to tell with 100 accuracy if a guy "likes" you or not is if he wants to cuddle in the morning

8. If we give you a compliment and you whine about it (Me: "Your hair looks nice today" You: "Oh... I don't really like it) you won't be getting another one anytime soon

9. If you don't feel like giving it up, we always appreciate the courtesy hand job

10. If we clean our rooms before you come over, consider us interested. If we clean our whole house before you come over, consider us whipped

11. If we take you out to dinner and you don't at least OFFER to pay some of the bill, don't expect to be taken out again (and yes, a true gentlemen won't ever let you pay on the first date, but he appreciates the offer... don't fail this common "gold-digger" test)

12. Tell us it's HUGE

13. You are ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to go back with your ex boyfriend after having a great time with us... don't be afraid of letting go, or you might miss out on the one you are REALLY meant to be with

14. If we aren't in a relationship with you, we will definitely show our friends the nude pics... so don't let us take them in the first place if you're concerned

15. Take US out to dinner once in awhile. As a general rule, if you pay for every 3rd or 4th meal, you are VERY cool, and will probably get taken out and romanced often

16. When you're getting your man off, don't stop strokin' until he's COMPLETELY done (but not too hard!)

17. Even if you don't feel your teeth on it, we do. Be extra careful!

18. We ALWAYS know when you're interested, even when you're pretending you're not

19. Being flakey is the easiest way to loose a great guy. Don't do it! (Besides, it's disrespectful and far from classy)

20. We actually really like taking girls out and treating them like queens... if we feel they deserve and appreciate it... and they make us feel like the king!

21. We don't want to hear about your ex, other guys you are dating, other guys you are sleeping with, have slept with, or would love to sleep with (ooooo Brad Pitt!). Make us feel like we are the only man in the world (and also the best in bed)

22. If we take you out to dinner, order some fucking food!

23. All guys will agree: Completely shaved is by far the sexiest

24. If you are TOO GOOD at putting on condoms, it makes us nervous (and it makes us want to wear TWO)

25. Don't flirt with our friends... unless you want the boot. You might think it will make us jealous, but it really makes you look like an immature girl who's still playing her high school games

26. It drives us crazy when you kiss us passionately on the neck

27. Honesty, Trust, Respect and Great Sex are the keys to a successful relationship

28. We think you are ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to spend over $100 on a purse (and you are)

29. If you fuck one of our friends after we've dated, consider yourself the scum of the earth (and you are)

30. Hygiene is VERY important... it doesn't matter how hot or fun she is, if she stinks down there or anywhere else, she's out

31. I don't care what Cosmo says... Don't EVER try to put your finger up our ass!

32. We secretly like to read Cosmo to see what you troublemakers are up too... plus the mag is PACKED with hot babes

33. If you like sports, that's a good thing! If you're TOO into sports... that's a little weird. Same goes for cars, video games, and porn

34. If you would have sex with a famous female actress or singer, please tell us!

35. If you would have sex with a famous male actor or singer, you don't have to tell us. We already know. And we hate them ALL!

36. Talk dirty to us!

37. If you set our friends up with your friends, we will be ENCOURAGED to bring you out on guy's nights (and that's a good thing)

38. Don't ever set one of our friends up with a friend of yours that's hotter than you, cause then we will be jealous (OUCH!)

39. We like girls that are a challenge, but we know when you're just playing hard to get to fulfill your own ego. Make us work, but don't push it.

40. We love to watch you pleasure yourself. Please do it often!!!

41. We don't really want to know how many guys you've been with. And you don't really want to know how many girls we've been with (TRUST ME). So don't ask. (But if it comes up... don't say more than 4! Lie if you must!
Cause we'll do the same ;-)

42. Showing up at our place with food and/or beer increases your chance of having a successful long term relationship with us by 66%

43. We think you look like a dork in your mesh trucker hat

44. Any guy that is better looking than us MUST be gay

45. Although we complain that you take a long time to get ready, we LOVE it when you are looking hot and sexy for us (and sexy perfume is a must... Amarige and anything by Victoria's Secret are the best)

46. Take US to the toy store (you know which one I'm talking about)

47. Come to the gym with us! You look sexy when you're working out, and we love to watch you sweat

48. Get into it and show us you're enjoying it! We HATE silent girls, and we hate feeling like we have to do all the work. Bonus points: Throw US down on the bed and jump on top of us once in awhile

49. If you go out and party and get drunk more than once (maybe twice) a week, we don't (or at least shouldn't ;-) ) consider you relationship material

50. If we're genuinely interested in you, we don't mind waiting for sex. Actually we prefer it. It tells us that you aren't just sleeping with anybody. How long? At least a month. No longer than 2... maybe 3 if we REALLY think you're a nice girl (any guy that WOULD wait longer than that will stalk you forever after you get tired of him and dump him... so think about that)

51. EVERY MAN'S fantasy is to be woken up with a BJ. I don't care what those relationship books say... this is how to keep a guy interested
 

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Yeah, you guys might get some of what you're asking for IF YOU EARN IT!!! LOL :)
 

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Never hit Newbie Thread
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That thing aint used to just PEE WITH....


Quit using the old Bait and Switch..... You know... "If the house is clean when I get home, I'll give ya some" Then when you DO get home we always hear "Not now, I got a headache"....





Vanilla
 

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That thing aint used to just PEE WITH....


Quit using the old Bait and Switch..... You know... "If the house is clean when I get home, I'll give ya some" Then when you DO get home we always hear "Not now, I got a headache"....





Vanilla
x2

hahha

thats pretty spot on

what i been getting is that it's been pretty rough at work

i am-well we are at home not at work-

i just get a stare of death and i turn and go the shed-

Thanks

Nick--
 

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x2

hahha

thats pretty spot on

what i been getting is that it's been pretty rough at work

i am-well we are at home not at work-

i just get a stare of death and i turn and go the shed-

Thanks

Nick--
that sounds distressing! a real problem.

I guess Im lucky, any more sex would be like pouring water on a drowning man. :) aw life is good after all.
 

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OBR's ONLY Heads Up Racer
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1,646 Posts
Well, that really wasn't too bad, i've come to expect worse!!!:)

I agree with all of it except #28...I don't see how I could possibly find an awesome purse for less than $100.:confused:
 

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Yellowbullet Overlord
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27,554 Posts
This list was written by a girl or a gay guy. No straight guy has ever given it this much thought.

Who ever wrote it is fucked for putting down #14. Don't let the cat out of the bag ass wipe!!

#16 did make up for it though.
 
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