Went to one in Jamaica on our honeymoon. Checked it out the first day we were exploring the resort, and there were two or three people there, so we thought "Cool. We'll hit it tomorrow."
Walk down the path the next day around noon, and as we're walking through the treeline, we hear steel drums and LOTS of talking. Emerge from the treeline, and it was wall-to-wall nekked people, and not a tan line in sight. We asked one of the guys at the 5pc steel drum band, next to the buffet, "WTF? Where'd all these people come from?!"
"See dat crooze ship out dere, maaahn? Dey come from dere."
Well... what the hell.
So we stayed.
There were a few hotties, but mostly the beach was crowded with people who had no business being nekked outside the confines of their own shower. And even that was debatable. Though my wife did get to see her first uncircumcised snausage, so that made her appreciate dealer-modified model a little more.
After about half an hour, the funniest damn thing I've ever seen in my life happened. There was a big tri-engine offshore power boat that was doing parasailing. Yes, nude parasailing. The thing comes into the cove, runs up near the beach, drops off it's last nude fliers, and picks up a fresh batch.
This very round, but very cheerful woman weebles on out to the boat, which is knee-deep in the water. She was about 5'2", and weighed every bit of 220 pounds if she weighed an ounce. She really did look like the kind of girl who had a great personality, though, and she was obviously out-going and uninhibited because there wasn't a bit of tan line anywhere on that half-acre of flesh--nude in public was not a new experience for her.
She gets out to the boat, reaches up on the gunwall and can't hoist herself up.
After the third try, one of the guys from the boat jumps in to help her.
This dude was about 6"1, amazingly buff, bald, and was the absolute blackest man I have ever seen in my life. This dude was so black, he sweat ink. It was noon, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and he was absorbing the light, putting everything around him in shadow.
He moves next to her, bends over a little and makes a stirrup with his hands, so she can step up into the boat.
Grasping the concept, but not fully understanding the idea, Ms. Tons o' Fun reaches up and grabs the gunwall, steps into Shaft's clasped hands with her INSIDE FOOT, lunges up and kicks her OUTSIDE leg over my man's head and hangs her ankle on the gunwall! Her legs are now spread about 110-degrees apart, one leg directly above his big bald head, her other leg in his hands, and his face is about 6 inches from Her Playground, which she'd apparently hit with Round Up sometime during the week because there wasn't a single blade of grass anywhere on the field.
Dude throws his head back, and all you could see was a black round head with the widest, whitest grinnin teeth and widest, whitest eyes I've ever seen.
She weebles on up into the boat, he's still grinnin ear-to-ear, and jumps up after her. They fire up the three Merc outboards and head out into the blue water to test the breaking point of the Mercury engines and the parachute cords.
I wouldn't trade seeing that whole thing unfold for anything.
-Brad
