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Well my step dad beat Squamous cell cancer 11 years ago, but has been suffering from effects of it and has only gotten worse over the years. Doctors all blame the radiation and have no other answers but that's not the point of this post.

After radiation, he no longer produced saliva, so he has been using a feeding tube for several years. Everything in his throat and mouth is so fried it is nearly impossible to understand him when he speaks. Forget phone conversations, you can't even understand him face to face.

Neuropathy has gotten so bad he can't feel his hands or feet much anymore, just pain.

He has gotten thin, frail and weak, so much so that he cannot raise his arms up to put a t shirt on, and can barely still put on his socks. My mother has to wash his hair because he simply can't get his arms high enough to do it.

The only enjoyment he has been getting out of his life lately is video games. Though he can't really feel the controller, he at least can still play, but obviously can't use a headset to converse with players when he joins online games.

After never seeing this ex navy man show much emotion, he has been crying regularly. Each day, he finds something else that he can't do, and won't ever be able to do again and down the depressed rabbit hole he goes.

My question to you guys.. What kind of things might you suggest to keep him occupied and get some enjoyment out of the last years of his life? I was thinking something like trying to get him to race RC cars or something, where he can at least keep his mind busy, but he doesn't have the ability to be hands on and work on anything if it breaks.

Having never seen a situation like this first hand, I'm kind of stumped on how to improve his quality of life. any suggestions?
 

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If you have a slot car track that has a drag strip in it you might want to take him there to try it out. You can rent the controller and car fairly cheap, we have a few guys with different problems that really enjoy it. IF HE LIKES IT then let me know and I will donate on of my Drag Cars to him so he can call it his. Just PM me if he wants to do it. God Bless
 

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Man that's tough. My mother in law had pancreatic cancer that eventually took her life. They told her at that point it was quality of life not quantity. Man she was so thin and frail her final days. She had a big family so every body took turns staying with her. Good luck
 

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Fucking cancer. It robbed my Dad of his life. Spend as much time with him as you can/he likes. Be spontaneous with new ideas/things to do. Also be yourself. Bless you and him.
 

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OP, do you have lots of old family photos to go through and identify/label as keepsakes? My parents had a lot. It might be something you could do together.....just grasping at straws, a tough situation for sure.
 

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If you have a slot car track that has a drag strip in it you might want to take him there to try it out. You can rent the controller and car fairly cheap, we have a few guys with different problems that really enjoy it. IF HE LIKES IT then let me know and I will donate on of my Drag Cars to him so he can call it his. Just PM me if he wants to do it. God Bless
Just did a search and didn't find anything nearby. I really appreciate the offer! Thank you so much

How about RC boats on a pond or lake. Since he was a Navy man, he might enjoy being by the water.
That might be a great idea. I'll see what he thinks about that.

OP, do you have lots of old family photos to go through and identify/label as keepsakes? My parents had a lot. It might be something you could do together.....just grasping at straws, a tough situation for sure.
Not much at all now that you mention it. They weren't much for picture taking back in the day. We used to play a lot of backgammon back in the day, and he used to whoop my ass at chess all the time. Might have to try some of that and see if I'm still as bad as I used to be.

I live 1500 miles away from the family right now. Moved away from the shitty new york laws to come yeehaw in texas. Makes it tough, but when I visit I try to spend the time with a lot of people in a short time. It's at the point for me where i need to spend more of that time with him, that's for sure.
 

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Hi ,


Our situation is quite different , however my 104 yr old Granma that lives with us enjoys our dogs immensely . We also give her a dose of cbd oil about every other day when she is obviously struggling .



Any chance of getting a puppy ?


Best of luck !!
 

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If you can get cannabis legally, it's available in pill or liquid form. It may be helpful, and in his condition it might do a lot of good. It's worth a try.
 

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Do some research for some support groups or workshops with people in similar postions as he. Having others around who he can identify with is huge. Sounds like he knows he is loved at home but nobody enjoys feeling helpless. It wears on the psyche. I've had a couple bouts with squamous cell on my shin and they cut it out and then on the other flavor I was diagnosed many years ago with stage iv non hodgkins Lymphoma. I live a blessed life and do occasionally thank God for the reprieve. I was told a long time ago I was terminal. Your Dad will choose his fate. Having options will bless his life. He needs some activities. Do some homework and more will be revealed.
 

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Music. Sit with him and find songs he likes. Put together some playlists for him.. give him something to turn to as he becomes less mobile.
 

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Put a worm on a hook . Preferably go to a "farm" type pond cause the fish are usually easy to catch. Even if you guys are only catching bluegills, it still fun and relaxing. Talk to the owner , and if he/ she has half a heart they will not mind if you toss the fish back.
 

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Well my step dad beat Squamous cell cancer 11 years ago, but has been suffering from effects of it and has only gotten worse over the years. Doctors all blame the radiation and have no other answers but that's not the point of this post.

After radiation, he no longer produced saliva, so he has been using a feeding tube for several years. Everything in his throat and mouth is so fried it is nearly impossible to understand him when he speaks. Forget phone conversations, you can't even understand him face to face.

Neuropathy has gotten so bad he can't feel his hands or feet much anymore, just pain.

He has gotten thin, frail and weak, so much so that he cannot raise his arms up to put a t shirt on, and can barely still put on his socks. My mother has to wash his hair because he simply can't get his arms high enough to do it.

The only enjoyment he has been getting out of his life lately is video games. Though he can't really feel the controller, he at least can still play, but obviously can't use a headset to converse with players when he joins online games.

After never seeing this ex navy man show much emotion, he has been crying regularly. Each day, he finds something else that he can't do, and won't ever be able to do again and down the depressed rabbit hole he goes.

My question to you guys.. What kind of things might you suggest to keep him occupied and get some enjoyment out of the last years of his life? I was thinking something like trying to get him to race RC cars or something, where he can at least keep his mind busy, but he doesn't have the ability to be hands on and work on anything if it breaks.

Having never seen a situation like this first hand, I'm kind of stumped on how to improve his quality of life. any suggestions?

just spend time with him. give him all the love time and support you can . also, when it happens, your mom is going to need you a lot more.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Any chance of getting a puppy ?


Best of luck !!
They have 2 dogs that mean the world to him. They also have 2 hairless cats he is quite fond of.. Ugly little fuckers!

If you can get cannabis legally, it's available in pill or liquid form. It may be helpful, and in his condition it might do a lot of good. It's worth a try.
He gets medical cannabis, and it does help some. Not some cure-all, but seems to be worth it

Music. Sit with him and find songs he likes. Put together some playlists for him.. give him something to turn to as he becomes less mobile.
I have a youtube channel and record music on there for him from time to time. Music definitely cheers him up.

Put a worm on a hook . Preferably go to a "farm" type pond cause the fish are usually easy to catch. Even if you guys are only catching bluegills, it still fun and relaxing. Talk to the owner , and if he/ she has half a heart they will not mind if you toss the fish back.
I know he hated fishing back in the day. I was really into it, and he didn't have the patience for it. At this point in his life, he may have changed his mind so I will have to ask again! He probably wouldn't be able to bait or tie the hooks, but it would be some quality time at the least. Thanks for the suggestion.
 

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Well my step dad beat Squamous cell cancer 11 years ago, but has been suffering from effects of it and has only gotten worse over the years. Doctors all blame the radiation and have no other answers but that's not the point of this post.

After radiation, he no longer produced saliva, so he has been using a feeding tube for several years. Everything in his throat and mouth is so fried it is nearly impossible to understand him when he speaks. Forget phone conversations, you can't even understand him face to face.
Man I feel for you.... I went through the same thing 10 years ago this May. Throat cancer, radiation, chemo and the feeding tube. I was one of the lucky ones and have fully recovered. Yes I still have dry mouth but that is just part of the radiation.

The Feeding tube is the key... He needs to be force fed three times a day. You have to get nourishment in him so that his body has a chance to recover. Ensure drinks pack a lot of calories and are easy to put in the tube. You HAVE to stay on the nourishment or he will not have a chance.

Surviving cancer brings a whole new outlook on life. Sometimes I don't appreciate how lucky I am. Believe me the one thing he wants the most is to be around his family and enjoy the simple things. If you can not be there then you should be emailing him every day with some positive thoughts. It is also great to get a few things in the mail from people you love. The effort you make will be appreciated.

I did not have access to CBD oils at the time but I would be all over it these days. Pain relief, settle your nerves, anti-cancer benefits and improved sleep are just some of the benefits from CBD oils.

Good luck and it is obvious you care about this person so make sure he is getting at least 3 Ensure drinks a day. He cant taste it so put anything else you can in that tube to get him some strength.
 

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My mom was 56 when she was diagnosed and 57 when she died.. there was literally nothing that made her happy, I even made the mistake of saying happy once or twice to which she quickly corrected me and told me she wasn’t. I tried everything.

Wish you luck OP
 

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Does he like to read at all? Maybe buy him a Kindle that he can prop on a stand and give him a gift certificate for some books on Kindle or open him an account that you pay for. If that doesn't work, you can always get books on tape. Another thought is to build him a raised garden bed that he could sit in a wheelchair and easily tend to. That is a two fold therapy in that growing things and nurturing them is life affirming and using his hands and arms to dig, plant, weed, and harvest stuff is good physical therapy. Maybe he would like a digital camera where he can make beautiful photographs or an art set where he can draw.
 

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All I can offer is a prayer friend.

I lost my younger sister to pancreatic cancer, she only lasted a couple of months, start to finish.

I can't imagine many years of suffering like your step dad, he must be one tough old Navy man!!
 

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Been there. I tried like hell to help my old man find something that would put some gas back in the tank, but it got to the point where he was just flat running on empty. Hope you can find something to help pick him up.
 
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