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So I figure I would entertain you guys with a little story from my trips down to Chicago recently.

I have an addiction to Brazilian BBQ and since there are no places in Ohio, I make a trip over to Chicago about once a month to go to Gaucho to satisfy my needs.

Like most of our normal trips, I drove down Saturday afternoon for with a couple friends, checked into the sheraton down town and went to our 7 o'clock reservation. little did my friend bretturbo know I was planning on setting him up with a girl I found for him on Nexopia. After dinner went back to the hotel and started walking to Melrose where we were supposed to meet her. On the walk down we stopped by Metro for a few drinks to start out the evening. I figured if i was going to make this blind hookup work bretturbo was going to need a serious set of beer goggles. We hit the tequila very hard paid our bill and kept walking down to 17th for the midnight rendevous.

We get to Melrose and order a few rounds of jager bombs to keep our energy up when I saw it walk in. I recognized the blonde hair and face but it was a horrible myspace effect. her profile said she had sexy curves... well she had curves, but they were in all the wrong places and no where near sexy. Thank god bretturbo's beer goggles were in full effect and he enjoyed the attention. by the time we were walking back to the hotel, my nonsmoking friend was chain smoking accords with her while she was also stuffing her face with ice cream that he bought her at 7-11. As we continued our stumble back the hotel, he propped her up against a wall and came to talk to me. he asked, "Jordan. I can not see, so I need you to be a good honest friend and tell me how bad is it? am I asking for trouble?" I patted him on the shoulder and replied, "Man, dont even worry about it, this is primo Alberta AAA beef, atleast an 8.5, if you don't follow through I will be quite dissapointed."

We turned around to see Tara coming out from an alley by the wall bretturbo had originally propped her up against and she informed us that she needed to pee and couldn't wait to get back to the hotel so she squatted in the alley (reeeaall classy) we arrive back at the hotel and Adamturbo and myself grab a couple big cigars to smoke by the river while bretturbo went about his business. We gave them a couple hours before going back up. we walked into the room and were quite distraught there was the mini fridge raided of all liquor, and a glass full of accord cigarette butts. worst of all there was a line of puke along the living room wall towards the washroom. We decided that even though there were empty beds in the bedroom that we did not want to distdurb them and slept on the floor.

We woke up the next morning and started right away with cow horse and whale jokes hoping to wake them up. all of a sudden we hear a groggy moan and covers rustle. BANG. I thought Bretturbo might have decided to slam his head in the washroom door after discovering what he had done the previous night. I was almost worried. then the bedroom door opened and bretturbo stuck his head out. I asked, "what was the bang?" he replied "I didn't realize I was still drunk, when I stood up I fell over and put a hole in the wall.(well there goes the damage deposit) I dont think I am going to make it downstairs for Sunday brunch either... Oh by the way 8.5? FAWK you 1.5 max. I trusted you, you ASSHOLE!" Adamturbo and myself laughed and made our way downstairs. at noon bretturbo texted us saying the coast was clear and we could come back up, he had thrown the mess out. as we were waiting for the elevator guess who walks through the opening door. None other than Tara. It was worse than I remembered, Adamturbo's jaw dropped, I chuckled, she asked where she was I said I didn't know. and that was that. When we got upstairs Bretturbo started the bitching, ho could we do that etc. and how she wouldnt leave, and kept trying to make akward small talk. He had to turn on the TV, find a motocross replay on TV, start jumping um and down on the couch and cursing at the screen before she was uncomfortable enough to leave. He also said first stop was to walk down to City center to pick up some pepto, I agreed since I lost my belt the previous night.

We were walking around City center, Bretturbo chugging bottle after bottle of pepto while I showed off my new belt when he decided that he needed some quizno's since he missed brunch. As we were sitting there him eating we questioned him on the events of the previous night. A little background knowledge on Bretturbo is that he takes big pride in his oral and fore play. We asked him if he went down on her right away when he got back, he replied of course, you know the way I work. I replied did she have a chance to clean up before? he said no. i asked him how he liked the golden shower? he responded What are you talking about? I said do you remember what she did when she came walking out of the alley? then it all came up. he lost his entire Sub. I got some on my new belt I was not impressed.

We returned to the hotel to pack up and check out when i looked through the minifridge to see how much bretturbo actually consumed when i saw that the intimacy kit had not been used. I know he did not have a rubber since he asked me for one the previous night. i asked him about it and he said "Why the fawk would I waste $15 on a condom? its a rip off, i just told her to tell me she was on the pill so I would be at ease. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

the trip back seemed to follow a regular routine. We would make a golden shower joke, pull over bretturbo throw up, bretturbo call us assholes, we joke about potential STD's and children, bretturbo would call us assholes again, then repeat the entire process.
 

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Sounds like a nice trip:rolleyes:
 

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Ok that was funny as hell. Even my wife laughed her ass off on that one.
 

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I hope you got a refund from that hooker! I know that I could not get it up knowing that thing was naked in the same room as me.......:smt078
 

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Damn I'd hit it......................................................................................With a board
 

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I found a real picture of "Tara"!!!!!


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