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MARINES, CHECK THIS OUT! Dave


An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...



He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Marine, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Marine.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............




blessed are the Marines, for they let in the light...























 

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Good one haven't heard that one.
 

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Race Car Poor
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:smt081:smt081 See cause there are 5 blondes and blonde dont understand things so he would have to explain it to each of them and there are 5 of them, so he would have to explain it 5 times
 

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A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine got into an argument about which service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated, that they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon thereafter, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. There they met St. Peter and decided that only he was the ultimate source of truth and honesty. They asked him, "St Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?"
St. Peter instantly replies, "I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what he thinks the next time I see him."
Some time later the four saw St. Peter again. They reminded him of the question and asked if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak was a note with glistening gold dust.
St. Peter said to the four men, "Your answer from the Boss... Let's see what he says." St. Peter opened the note - trumpets blared, gold dust drifted into the air, harps played crescendos and St. Peter began to read it aloud to the four young men.
MEMORANDUM

TO: SOLDIERS, SEAMEN, MARINES, AND AIRMEN

FROM: GOD

SUBJECT: Which Military Service is the Best?

Gentlemen, all the Branches of the Armed Services are "honorable and noble." Each of you serves your country well and with distinction. Being a member of the American Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication. Be proud of that.
Very Respectfully
GOD CPO USN (Ret.)
 

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MARINES, CHECK THIS OUT! Dave


An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...



He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Marine, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Marine.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............




blessed are the Marines, for they let in the light...























You gotta love a Gunnery Sergeant - Rah!
 

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Smart Ass Conservative
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haha, good shit. First time to hear that one. YUT
 

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THE PHENOMENAL ONE
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The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.
 

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THE PHENOMENAL ONE
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A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated.

Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and actually rose to the rank of General. He was, however very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide.

The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The young officer answered," why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The general got very angry at the lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a female Lieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The General threw her out also.

The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined (surprise). The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise the Gunny said, "Yes sir; you wear contacts lenses." The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn't mention my ears.

"And how do you know that I wear contacts?" The General asked. The sharp-witted Gunny replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking ears."
 

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THE PHENOMENAL ONE
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained.

"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
 

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Aviation Section
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Discussion Starter #17
A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine got into an argument about which service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated, that they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon thereafter, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. There they met St. Peter and decided that only he was the ultimate source of truth and honesty. They asked him, "St Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?"
St. Peter instantly replies, "I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what he thinks the next time I see him."
Some time later the four saw St. Peter again. They reminded him of the question and asked if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak was a note with glistening gold dust.
St. Peter said to the four men, "Your answer from the Boss... Let's see what he says." St. Peter opened the note - trumpets blared, gold dust drifted into the air, harps played crescendos and St. Peter began to read it aloud to the four young men.
MEMORANDUM

TO: SOLDIERS, SEAMEN, MARINES, AND AIRMEN

FROM: GOD

SUBJECT: Which Military Service is the Best?

Gentlemen, all the Branches of the Armed Services are "honorable and noble." Each of you serves your country well and with distinction. Being a member of the American Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication. Be proud of that.
Very Respectfully
GOD CPO USN (Ret.)
This is a little off color but here it goes and it is a true story:

When I was a Supervisor at GE Engine Services Miami the head of security was a retired Navy Chief and a real tough guy Irishman. I did not think of this, a retired Marine that I worked with did, but to set the Chief off he would say "Hey Chief, why are all those armed Marines on your Navy ships?", Chief would say something bad about Marines and the Marine would come back and say "It is to keep those Navy guys from fucking each other!"

This usually involved a foot race afterward with the Chief in hot persuit of the Marine! Dave
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Frankfort tower was giving an American air crew some shit about not knowing where thier gate was after they landed just like a typical German who is superior will do (Dad was born in Germany so I know first hand!)

The tower on the ground frequency says for all to hear to the American crew, "How come you don't know where to go, haven't you been here before"?

The American crew answering back right away says "Sure, we been here before and it was several times now that you asked, but it was years ago, we never landed, and it was dark but we left some presents so that you would all remember us"!!! Dave
 

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I love watching two of my friends go for each others throats...one is retired Navy and the other a retired Marine....both fought for years on which branch was better but the Marine finally won after he commented on the importance of the Navy by saying how "great those Navy guys are to us Marines....cause every time there's a war theyre nice enough to give us a lift on their pretty ships so we can get there faster and kick some ass!" lol
 
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