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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"
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Was shagging this chick over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" . . thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.
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Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this bloke at a party. In my defence..... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
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How does every ethnic joke start? With a look over your shoulder.
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My wife just came in to me and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cause when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"
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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a gal called Penny - spooky or what?
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The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly"
wasn't the right answer.
 

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POLK High Bitch.....
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Someone posted all those jokes on YB along with about 7others lastweek. I damn near died laughing.
 
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