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cynic/realist
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Miss him.





Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married: My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head just-in-case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl who is so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I' m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.
 

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Rock'n Rodney........he's got my respect :cool:

Caddyshack and Back to School are awesome!

"You do nice work, what do you charge for big cars?"
(I use that one at the track when I see someone is dusting off their car and I point to my wagon) :smt103
 

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"I bought a used car; I found a pair of my wife's panties in the backseat."

"i told my doctor; 'Doc, I think I got the clap.' He gave HIMSELF a shot!"

"I was so ugly they tied a porkchop around my neck to get the dog to play with me!"

"I made a toast to my wife, and the waiter joined us!"

"I asked my wife to tell me when she had an orgasm; she said 'I would, but you're never here!'"
 

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He was a class act
 

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Small tire Pimp
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I Get no Respect


He was the guy that got alot of the greats careers going

RIP
 

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As you go through life ya gotta watch out for number 1 But don't step in any number 2


Last time I saw a face like that, it had a hook in it
 

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How'd ya like to make $5 the hard way??
Now I see why tigers eat their young.
Hey Toots, I bet you were something before electricity.
Did you get a free bowl of soup with that hat?

Rodney will be missed:(
 
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