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48,029 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·


Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert
near a gas station that was closed for the night. They
approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien
addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't

The younger alien became angry at the
lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if
I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning
and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the
pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said
impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.
Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I
will fire!'

The older alien again warned his
comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I
really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young
alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.
There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet
and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards
away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally
regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes,
straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at
the older, wiser alien who was standing over him
shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed
the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How
did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a
friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If
there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic
travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop
his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in
his ear.'

48,029 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
George, tell us more about your days as a pump jockey.

You stud you.
In all my jobs as a squirt, I never worked in a gas station. The best job I ever had as a kid (in high school) was working directly for Henry J. Kaiser at his home at Lake Tahoe. That showed me how the other half lived. Henry bought his son, Edgar a nice gift one year, the Denver Broncos football team. Now that's a gift. Henry made a couple of bucks building Boulder Dam in Nevada and all those ships during WWII. Henry had billions and "lived well" but he was always easy to talk to. He loved cars. He owned the company that built the Kaiser and Frasier and the Henry J. Every now and then I run across a Henry J. at the drag strip, they made good gassers. Henry would have liked that.


317 Posts
I think I pulled a muscle, the people in the Cubicles around me think I'm crazy already, now they are sure of it. Good one. What's a Gar Wood? My Grandfather worked at the Garwood Ditcher factory here, you drove a ditching machine around town?
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