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So I will back story this a little bit. The time frame was my deployment for operation OIF in 2003. At the end of it our blow hard of a division officer was looking for some input for some year book or something to talk up the intel shop and what we had accomplished during the deployment/war.

My buddy's response to the e-mail for that input is just priceless!

I'll start with the request for info then paste the response.


Sent: Friday, May 02, 2003 12:39 PM

> Subject: Ship's history
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
>
> The entire ship must put something together over the next few weeks
> regarding the ship's history. We are supposed to look back over this
> deployment and identify significant things we did. This does not mean
> produced 10 snoopy teams and such. For the photomates and example would
> be all of the VIP visits and PHOTOEXs that you took pictures of . For the
> ISs this would mean as an example produce ten imagery products supporting
> the COnstellation.
>
> The two above are just examples of a variety of things. As best as
> you can I need all of you to think back and identify specific events of
> significance. I need a sentence or two on each event and I need a date
> that it happened or your best guess of when the event happened.
>
> I am sure that all of you can think of at least one thing, so I
> expect a response from all of you. The more you think of the better.
> This is very important to the ship and important to big Navy that wants to
> capture the best picture possible of everything that has happened during
> the course of the war. Please e-mail me and CC ISC on your responses by 08
> May.
>
> Thanks for your help with this.
>
> R/ JG H



My buddy's response


Subject: RE: Ship's history
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
>
> I looked back over this deployment and identified all the significant
> things I (and we) did over this deployment. I found all of these things
> significant because they were all done consistently on a regular basis.
> We were always told that it was so important to be done, because you never
> know when the MCPON or any Admiral is going to go looking for dirt or
> ghost turds. And we all know that we could not have fought a war with a
> spot on the bulkhead or some dust on the floor. I'll do my best to put a
> date and describing sentence with each input.
>
> 135,924 square feet of floor swept- I apologize in advance but this only
> accounts for the p-ways outside the jic. I calculated this by finding the
> total square footage and then multiplying it by at least 2, because it
> gets swept, at a minimum, 2 times daily, and then by the total days of
> WESTPAC. I have no specific dates for this, so just pick a day, whichever
> makes you happy because it happens everyday.
>
> 19,418 square feet of decks swabbed- I apologize again because this also
> only accounts for the p-ways outside the jic. I calculated this by
> finding the total square footage and then multiplying it by 2, because it
> gets swabbed about twice a week, multiplying that by 188 (the total days
> of WESTPAC), and then dividing it by 7, because it gets done twice a week.
> I have no specific dates for this one either.
>
> 1,448 square feet of bulkheads painted- I apologize once again because I
> don't know a total number of gallons of paint used. And this is a very
> rough "guesstimate." This covers one painting of the bulkheads, not
> including the ceiling. I got this number by finding the square footage of
> the bulkheads. Once again, I have no specific dates.
>
> 1,128 shitters scrubbed- Let me apologize one more time because this
> number only reflects the male berthing shitters. I got this number by
> adding up the total number of shitters in berthing, and multiplying it by
> 188, the total number of days of WESTPAC. This also happened everyday so
> pick which ever day suits your fancy.
>
> 1,316 sinks cleaned- Okay, I apologize for the last time. This also only
> reflects the male berthing and does not include the deep sink. I arrived
> at this number by adding all the sinks in berthing and the multiplying it
> by 188, the total number of days of WESTPAC. And believe it or not, this
> happened everyday also, so pick a day.
>
> So let it be known that the spaces that belong to the jic were the
> cleanest ones that ever roamed the ocean. And never has a ship at war
> been cleaner. Now the majority of the people that receive this cannot
> take credit for these accomplishments, and that is for reasons I cannot
> elaborate upon here. And with this, I am informing you all of my (and
> your) efforts to this deployment, and war.
>
> Hopefully this helps with something,
>
> R/ IS3 D
>

Nothing like a happy sailor spreading a little joy!!! lol
 

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Smoke Em if you got Em
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Not really, but.......
Still funny.




IS3 are you busy?

No Sir what do you need?

Oh good, there is something on the floor over there, how about you mop it up?


Conversation go something like that?
 
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