Rick_R
06-28-2006, 10:08 AM
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Michigan
and said,
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every
living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his Yard
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit from the local council. I've been arguing with the
Health Department about the need for an on-site toilet. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my Yard
and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the working visa status of
most of the people who want to work.
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the FBI seized all my assets claiming I'm trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government has beat me to it!
and said,
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every
living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his Yard
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit from the local council. I've been arguing with the
Health Department about the need for an on-site toilet. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my Yard
and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the working visa status of
most of the people who want to work.
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the FBI seized all my assets claiming I'm trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government has beat me to it!